Before I settle down to await my bus, I decide I want to purchase an authentic Taiwanese drink out of an authentic Taiwanese vending machine using my authentic Taiwanese (not Jamaican) money. 
I'm trying to purchase one of the drinks in the top row, the not-Coke and the not-Minute Maid. Carefully scrutinizing the coins in my hand, I confirm that they are all NTD (Xin1 Tai2 Bi4, or Tai2 Bi4, f'short), carefully drop them in, and press the appropriate big plastic button.
No dice.
The machine is a cold, taciturn beast; maybe lip-reading, possibly contemplating my murder, she is my personal HAL.
I try again. And again. Make my way back to my seat. Then pop up again when I see another Taiwanese-American (don't ask me how I know) amble up to HAL 2010. Lo and behold, he's able to make the thing work.
What. the. fuck.
And finally, it hits me. Those red Xs and green checks? They mean something. A secret, binary code whose implication was hitherto concealed to me.
[sigh]
Of course, my longed-for libation is sold out, and I settle for another local favorite: coffee in a can.
I'll have you know that this 36 FRANCS 1909 Heavy Latte is the real deal. According to the can, "COFFEE IS REAL GOOD WHEN YOU DRINK IT, IT GIVES YOU TIME TO THINK. IT'S A LOT MORE THAN JUST A DRINK, IT'S SOMETHING HAPPENING. IT GIVES YOU TIME, BUT NOT ACTUAL HOURS OR MINUTES, BUT A CHANCE TO BE, LIKE BE YOURSELF, AND HAVE A SECOND CUP."
But lest we simply chalk this up to the less than eloquent English-speak so ubiquitous in Asian countries, the quote is attributed to Oakland's very own...Gertrude Stein.
Oh, Trudie.
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